On January 3, 2012 The Fatdad said, "The next diet is the last refuge of any fat guy."
I have heard people say that they don't go out on New Years Eve because it is amateur night. New Years is the one night a year that many people who do not usually drink or party, go out to drink or party, and that makes them are dangerous.
I feel the same way about those people who make a new years resolution to lose weight.
AMATEURS
I am a professional, and these once a year people piss me off. I watch the local news at New Years and inevitably there is always a group of people with their smug little smiles telling the reporter how they are going to lose weight and get healthy this year, and that on Jan 1st you will find them at the gym.
Well guess what. I was already at the gym and now I have to put up with you.
What is the problem you ask? Why am I so hostile? Well I will tell you!
1. I now have to walk 3 extra blocks or take the shuttle to the gym because the parking lot is full of people who were too lazy to come to the gym yesterday.
2. I now have to wait in line for you to find your gym I.D., drivers license, or library card so that you, can prove you are who you say you are, to get in the gym.
3. All of the lockers are taken, because you could not figure out how to get all of your stuff into one locker.
4. All of the towels are gone because you need two towels instead of one to mop up all of the alcohol and grease you are sweating out from your new years party.
5. I have to wait longer for every machine because it takes you twice as long to read your book, listen to your podcast, or finish your story about how no one understands your new found love of the gym with your new work out partner.
6. I have to wait to use the stretching area because you are in the way. Look I know you are excited, but stop looking in the mirror it has only been a week you do not look any different. Give it 8-12 weeks.
7. Every machine is gross because you have sweat all over it, you have no gym etiquette, and you do not know that the sani-wipes are for the machines and not for you forehead. By the way good luck with the new rash.
8. You stink. Use the restroom before you get on the machines. I understand that some good exercise will get your systems going including your gastrointestinal system, but what you fail to realize is that even if you somehow manage to only let a little gas out at a time, the rest of us can still smell you.
9. You are loud. I do not want to hear about your day, your dates, you new diet, your goals or how much all this exercise equipment costs. Shut up, put your ear buds in, and run. A little tip. If you can comfortably have a conversation with your new BFF while working out, then you are not doing it right. You two might as well go talk over a cup of coffee or a pint of beer instead of wasting space at the gym.
10. Your attitude. If I hear one more of you New Year's warriors complain about how busy the gym is, or how there is no parking, I will personally push you off your treadmill.
Selfishly, I know that by February the gym will be back to normal, you will be out $150.00 on exercise clothes, and I will not have to see you again until next January.
Personally, I know you are trying, I commend each and every single one of you for getting off the couch, and at least finding the gym.
I hope you succeed but if you don't:
1. Keep trying.
2. Don't wait until Monday,
the day after your birthday,
your next vacation,
tomorrow,
your next doctors visit
your next diet or
New Years
3. Go this afternoon, who cares what you do, your making it a habit, and when you finally make it a habit you will change.
So good luck, and if you succeed, just remember I will be happy for you, but jealous of your success.
Happy New Year,
The Fatdad
I have heard people say that they don't go out on New Years Eve because it is amateur night. New Years is the one night a year that many people who do not usually drink or party, go out to drink or party, and that makes them are dangerous.
I feel the same way about those people who make a new years resolution to lose weight.
AMATEURS
I am a professional, and these once a year people piss me off. I watch the local news at New Years and inevitably there is always a group of people with their smug little smiles telling the reporter how they are going to lose weight and get healthy this year, and that on Jan 1st you will find them at the gym.
Well guess what. I was already at the gym and now I have to put up with you.
What is the problem you ask? Why am I so hostile? Well I will tell you!
1. I now have to walk 3 extra blocks or take the shuttle to the gym because the parking lot is full of people who were too lazy to come to the gym yesterday.
2. I now have to wait in line for you to find your gym I.D., drivers license, or library card so that you, can prove you are who you say you are, to get in the gym.
3. All of the lockers are taken, because you could not figure out how to get all of your stuff into one locker.
4. All of the towels are gone because you need two towels instead of one to mop up all of the alcohol and grease you are sweating out from your new years party.
5. I have to wait longer for every machine because it takes you twice as long to read your book, listen to your podcast, or finish your story about how no one understands your new found love of the gym with your new work out partner.
6. I have to wait to use the stretching area because you are in the way. Look I know you are excited, but stop looking in the mirror it has only been a week you do not look any different. Give it 8-12 weeks.
7. Every machine is gross because you have sweat all over it, you have no gym etiquette, and you do not know that the sani-wipes are for the machines and not for you forehead. By the way good luck with the new rash.
8. You stink. Use the restroom before you get on the machines. I understand that some good exercise will get your systems going including your gastrointestinal system, but what you fail to realize is that even if you somehow manage to only let a little gas out at a time, the rest of us can still smell you.
9. You are loud. I do not want to hear about your day, your dates, you new diet, your goals or how much all this exercise equipment costs. Shut up, put your ear buds in, and run. A little tip. If you can comfortably have a conversation with your new BFF while working out, then you are not doing it right. You two might as well go talk over a cup of coffee or a pint of beer instead of wasting space at the gym.
10. Your attitude. If I hear one more of you New Year's warriors complain about how busy the gym is, or how there is no parking, I will personally push you off your treadmill.
Selfishly, I know that by February the gym will be back to normal, you will be out $150.00 on exercise clothes, and I will not have to see you again until next January.
Personally, I know you are trying, I commend each and every single one of you for getting off the couch, and at least finding the gym.
I hope you succeed but if you don't:
1. Keep trying.
2. Don't wait until Monday,
the day after your birthday,
your next vacation,
tomorrow,
your next doctors visit
your next diet or
New Years
3. Go this afternoon, who cares what you do, your making it a habit, and when you finally make it a habit you will change.
So good luck, and if you succeed, just remember I will be happy for you, but jealous of your success.
Happy New Year,
The Fatdad
