Ahhh home crap home.
For those of you who have been following along you know that we live in a 1979 fixer-upper. And again for those of you who have not listened, houses from the 70's are crap. Last spring we decided that we were basically done fixing up the inside of the house and that we needed to begin work on the outside of the house.
So as I drove up to my castle what did I see but the half painted eyesore of the neighborhood. Don't get me wrong, we tried to finish the house, I took a week off work and we made sure we had all the supplies we needed. To our dismay it rained the week I took off. Then it got so hot at the end of the summer that did not want to paint in the heat so we waited. So when the stars aligned and the clouds parted we worked as fast as we could and the end result, a half painted house. So right now if you can imagine, the right half of our house is painted a dark tan and the left side is painted a monkey puke pumpkin color.
We are truly the envy of the trailer park set. I think I saw a picture of the house on the people of walmart website.
Now just the half painted house would not completely make us look like the white trash of the neighborhood, but we have some accessories to go along with it.
A. Our neighbor across the street parked her car out on the lawn.
B. We installed new windows but only had enough money to replace the really bad ones, so when you look at the house you see the new white windows on the ground floor and the old ratty off white windows on the second floor. Additionally the upper windows still have the original burgundy shutters on them. These are a real fashion statement by the way. Nothing sets off burgundy shutters like monkey puke pumpkin paint.
C. We have a trampoline in our yard. Nuff said.
D. We put a down payment on new gutters, but because we did not finish the painting they could not be installed. So our gutters are rusting and leaking on one side of the house and we have our own little garden growing out of the gutters on the other side of the house. We tell the neighbors we are going green. It is our own little carbon offset.
E. On the right side of the house, the city came by and said that one of our biggest trees was dying, and we had to remove it. We removed it and now we have a huge hole in the landscape with a giant stump at the bottom.
F. The driveway is what the professionals like to call alligator cracked. Just a note here, if you come over watch out for the divot in on the left side, it could take your ankle off.
G. Our christmas lights are still up. Nuff said.
H. One of the great aunts wanted to do something nice for the girls so we have a fairy garden on our front yard tree. Nothing wrong with it but when you add it together with all of the other features, it adds to the house with removable wheels motif that we have going here.
I. Finally when you drive up to our little abode you will be greeted by our dented mailbox, courtesy of one of the little neighbor hooligans trying to play mailbox baseball.
The moral of the story. Do not do what I did.
1. Make a real list of the projects that need to be done. This is the time when it would be helpful for the wives out there to help make the list instead of just saying, "You know what needs to be done, just do it." This is not helpful and honestly nothing will get done. Guys can sleep on month old sheets, eat day old pizza off the floor, and wear the same pair of pants everyday for a week. We do not have that sense of urgency about what needs to be done at home as our wives, and the sooner you accept that fact the more you will get done.
2. Start and finish one project at a time. If you try to start and work on too many projects at one time you will get lost and furthermore you will end up with a half painted house and worried neighbors.
3. Budget twice as much as you need for the project. You might not spend it all, but at least you will have enough money to cover the project.
4. Finally, be honest about how much you really want to do. If you don't want to move 500 lbs of pink rocks (very popular in the 1970's) from the front yard to the back then be honest and make a separate plan for getting it done. If you truly do not like or want to do one of the jobs, then honestly it will never get done.
Just a note here if you find that you do not want to do any of the jobs, then you either need to marry rich or convince your significant other to do it all without you.
We are truly the envy of the trailer park set. I think I saw a picture of the house on the people of walmart website.
Now just the half painted house would not completely make us look like the white trash of the neighborhood, but we have some accessories to go along with it.
A. Our neighbor across the street parked her car out on the lawn.
B. We installed new windows but only had enough money to replace the really bad ones, so when you look at the house you see the new white windows on the ground floor and the old ratty off white windows on the second floor. Additionally the upper windows still have the original burgundy shutters on them. These are a real fashion statement by the way. Nothing sets off burgundy shutters like monkey puke pumpkin paint.
C. We have a trampoline in our yard. Nuff said.
D. We put a down payment on new gutters, but because we did not finish the painting they could not be installed. So our gutters are rusting and leaking on one side of the house and we have our own little garden growing out of the gutters on the other side of the house. We tell the neighbors we are going green. It is our own little carbon offset.
E. On the right side of the house, the city came by and said that one of our biggest trees was dying, and we had to remove it. We removed it and now we have a huge hole in the landscape with a giant stump at the bottom.
F. The driveway is what the professionals like to call alligator cracked. Just a note here, if you come over watch out for the divot in on the left side, it could take your ankle off.
G. Our christmas lights are still up. Nuff said.
H. One of the great aunts wanted to do something nice for the girls so we have a fairy garden on our front yard tree. Nothing wrong with it but when you add it together with all of the other features, it adds to the house with removable wheels motif that we have going here.
I. Finally when you drive up to our little abode you will be greeted by our dented mailbox, courtesy of one of the little neighbor hooligans trying to play mailbox baseball.
The moral of the story. Do not do what I did.
1. Make a real list of the projects that need to be done. This is the time when it would be helpful for the wives out there to help make the list instead of just saying, "You know what needs to be done, just do it." This is not helpful and honestly nothing will get done. Guys can sleep on month old sheets, eat day old pizza off the floor, and wear the same pair of pants everyday for a week. We do not have that sense of urgency about what needs to be done at home as our wives, and the sooner you accept that fact the more you will get done.
2. Start and finish one project at a time. If you try to start and work on too many projects at one time you will get lost and furthermore you will end up with a half painted house and worried neighbors.
3. Budget twice as much as you need for the project. You might not spend it all, but at least you will have enough money to cover the project.
4. Finally, be honest about how much you really want to do. If you don't want to move 500 lbs of pink rocks (very popular in the 1970's) from the front yard to the back then be honest and make a separate plan for getting it done. If you truly do not like or want to do one of the jobs, then honestly it will never get done.
Just a note here if you find that you do not want to do any of the jobs, then you either need to marry rich or convince your significant other to do it all without you.
