I have a problem. I know you are shocked, but I will tell you what it is anyway. I have a problem with customer service. It seems that no matter where I go, or who I do business with, I receive the worst customer service. Now I know there are plenty of people out there who do a fine job and that they conscientiously take care of their customers, but I find that none of these people ever help me.
I normally would not have such a problem with customer service, but I am a good customer. In fact I go out of my way to find the right person to help me so I do not waste other peoples time.
When I need help, I look for qualified people to help me because, unqualified people will act like they know even though they do not. and the whole situation will end in a fiasco. As Dirty Harry said, "A mans got to know his limitations." Meaning, if you don't know, then you need to man up and just admit it from the beginning.
I will give you a few examples of what I mean. First, A few weeks ago I was at the grocery store. I needed to buy a pastry brush (this is the little brush that looks like a paint brush, but it is for food). I went to the utensil aisle and did not see one. I went to find a grocery manager to help me. Not a bakery manager, not a produce manager and not a deli manager, but a grocery manager. After explaining to the manager what a pastry brush was (I knew I was in trouble at that point), he walked me all over the store looking for one. We ended up in the utensil aisle, where I started, he looked me right in the eye and said, " We do not sell those here."
"No Shit Sherlock!!!"
This guy could have saved so much time and energy by just admitting from the get go that he did not know and he could have checked with someone and I could have been on my way 20 minutes sooner. I do have to admit that the extra 20 min walk probably did me some good.
I know that I have probably made my point, but that example was not that funny or self-depricating so I do have a few more examples for you.
The Fat Dad and his NOT fat wife needed a bed. By this point we had been to every furniture store in town. We just could not find a bed we liked. In a last ditch effort we went to one of those, Mattress Giant, Pillow Top, Sleep Slumber Waterbed Showroom places. Again we struck out, but on our way out of the store we saw a display. On the display were about 10 examples of different metal bed frames. Each example was just a corner, and listed under each frame was a price. So we found what looked like a competent sales person and started to ask him some questions. The salesman was in his late 50's, he still had his buzz cut from the military, and he was wearing a suit.
We began by asking him about the metal bed frames and the difference in price and what that meant.
He told us that each frame was increasingly more durable, and that each carried a larger bed as well as more weight. It is what he said next that I will never forget. He looked at the FatDad and his not fat wife and said, and I quote, "Now big people like yourselves are going to want the number 7 or 8 frame."
All I remember after that was physically pushing my wife out of the store while she yelled things like, "Oh yeah!!! Well what do you and your $^% ^#%&ing Wife sleep on?" I could not get her out of the store fast enough.
Finally, I went in for surgery the other day. No it wasn't for a lap band, gastric bypass, or lobotomy like many of you guessed. It was for a rotator cuff injury, and no I did not get it from being fat. I fell on the ice. Anyway I did my research found a great doctor and clinic to go to and made my appointment. On the day of surgery my wife brought me in and I changed for surgery. I sat on the gurney and the nurse came in to go over a few things with me. Smoker? No. Drink? No. Family history of heart disease? No. Do you snore at night? No. So the nurse finished the questionnaire and she looked up and said, "So your diabetic, right?" UH!!! NO!!!. Just because I am fat that does not mean I am diabetic.
So, the FatDad struck out again.
Look I know that being in a customer service job is difficult. I do it everyday, and it seems like it never gets easier. As soon as you learn how to handle one type of customer another evolves and you have to learn how to take care of them. It is just a part of the business. But for those of you who can still use some pointers I have a few for you.
1. Do not under any circumstance ask the woman with the large belly, "How far along are you?" I do not care how old she is, how big her belly has gotten or how long you have known her. Chances are she is not pregnant and you will just end up insulting her. You can just simply ask, "What's new?" And if she wants you to know she is pregnant she will tell you.
2. Do not under any circumstance refer to the woman with your regular gentleman guest as, "your lovely wife." The reason for this is, if it is his mistress, she will want to be the wife and you will upset him. If it is his wife and she has not been there before, she will wonder who he was there with before. The end of that story never goes well. I have worked at a place where I only met the mistress and not the wife and I can assure you it is uncomfortable.
3. Do not ask you regular guest if the younger woman or man that they are with is their son or daughter. If it is not you will embarrass them by making it look like they are with a guest that is too young for them. Also if they are not old you will be implying that they are old because their friend looks that much younger then they look.
Never say anything that you cannot explain away or you would not want to have said to you. Be nice, listen, and do your job. You are not funny enough, smart enough, or fast enough to get out of calling someone, old, fat or a cheater. Keep these things to yourself, and talk about them with you significant other later at home. It makes for some great pillow talk.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
3/19/10 Barbie Girl
My girls are on spring break, and for those of you who do not know what elementary school spring break is, it is what they used call easter break. My wife never wanting our girls to miss out on anything, used the opportunity to invite over some of the girls friends to play. In all we had 5 girls at the house. My little one was playing with the twins and my older daughter was playing with one of her friends. Inevitably they all ended up playing with, and it pains me to say it, Barbie.
I know that I should not care, but I hate Barbie. When my wife found out she was pregnant (both times) I was sure she was going to have a girl. I did not care that we were going to have girls and not boys, but I loathed the idea that someday they might want to play with Barbie.
Please do not tell me all of the positive or negative things that you think about Barbie, I know them already.
Pro: Barbie creates a positive self-image for women to strive for. Also it lets girls know that no matter how pretty they are they can still be what ever they want.
Con: Barbie creates an unattainable image of women that will leave girls with a poor self-image. Also Barbie is a poor example of family values, blah, blah, blah.
Look I really don't want to get into the 50 year history of Barbie's impact on our society. I know some of you are saying, "Oh he just does't like dolls, and doesn't want his daughters to play with them."
To this I say, "You could be onto something, but between my two girls we have 7 American Girl dolls, and about 20 baby dolls." So I think that theory is shot.
I can also admit here that some of my problems with Barbie stem from the fact that I was forced play with Barbie's when I was a kid. My godparents had a daughter who was the same age as me, and she was also a little intimidating, and when we played which was quite often, we played Barbie. Of course I was Ken. I can say with some certainty, that there is nothing that helps build a short, dark, fat, Jewish kids self esteem like playing with a tall, thin, blond, Arian doll.
Anyway, I just don't think that Barbie is the right kind of friend for my girls. For years we fought to keep Barbie out of our house, but one day one of our older neighbors stopped by with a shoebox full of them. I was so happy when the girls looked at them and then walked away without picking up a single one. It was great and I thought that we were out of the woods.
But, two years ago at my older daughters birthday she got a Barbie, she seemed interested, and then last year at Christmas Santa showed up with two more. Actually they came from the girl's great aunt, and even though I like her I could have killed her.
Its not as if Barbie has taken over our lives, but now we watch Barbie videos, and we buy the occasional Barbie coloring book.
So what is my problem you ask?
1. There are so many Barbies to choose from, but they all boil down to this, just add hooker as the second name for every Barbie and it will make sense. For example, my girls own, Christmas Hooker Barbie. Now wasn't that easy. Lets try with some others. Astronaut Hooker Barbie, Doctor Hooker Barbie, Teacher Hooker Barbie, Veterinarian Hooker Barbie, Horse Riding Hooker Barbie, Cheerleader Hooker Barbie (oxymoron) and last but not least Malibu Hooker Barbie (Now this one is interesting, because she comes with her own beachfront bordello.)
2. All of the girls end up saying inappropriate things when they play with Barbie.
"Daddy why doesn't Barbie's dress cover her butt?"
"Daddy why doesn't Barbie wear a bra?"
"Daddy why does Barbie have a baby but no husband?"
"Daddy...Daddy...Daddy..."
3. Barbie has just become a little to P.C. for me. If you want Barbie to be this ideal woman, an imaginative toy for girls, then that is what she should be, but these other incarnations of Barbie to make others less repulsed by her drive me crazy. Why do you need Barbie of every ethnicity. It is pretend. If you are Indian or Cuban, is it easier to play pretend if Barbie looks more like you. When I was a kid, I played the hell out of my Star Wars characters, and I did not look a thing like any of them. O.k. maybe I look a little like Chewbacka.
Who's feelings are we trying to protect? Its a F'ing doll.
If you want to be offended by something take a look at the price of Barbie's clothes and accessories. The toy people don't care about your feelings, they just want you to buy a doll, and if you will only buy the doll if it is Black, Russian, Polish, or Mexican, then by god they are going to make one.
No matter what you think about Barbie, she has been around a lot longer then most of us, so here's to you Barbie.
May my children out grow you before they learn that you have a Malibu Beach house and make me buy it for them.
I know that I should not care, but I hate Barbie. When my wife found out she was pregnant (both times) I was sure she was going to have a girl. I did not care that we were going to have girls and not boys, but I loathed the idea that someday they might want to play with Barbie.
Please do not tell me all of the positive or negative things that you think about Barbie, I know them already.
Pro: Barbie creates a positive self-image for women to strive for. Also it lets girls know that no matter how pretty they are they can still be what ever they want.
Con: Barbie creates an unattainable image of women that will leave girls with a poor self-image. Also Barbie is a poor example of family values, blah, blah, blah.
Look I really don't want to get into the 50 year history of Barbie's impact on our society. I know some of you are saying, "Oh he just does't like dolls, and doesn't want his daughters to play with them."
To this I say, "You could be onto something, but between my two girls we have 7 American Girl dolls, and about 20 baby dolls." So I think that theory is shot.
I can also admit here that some of my problems with Barbie stem from the fact that I was forced play with Barbie's when I was a kid. My godparents had a daughter who was the same age as me, and she was also a little intimidating, and when we played which was quite often, we played Barbie. Of course I was Ken. I can say with some certainty, that there is nothing that helps build a short, dark, fat, Jewish kids self esteem like playing with a tall, thin, blond, Arian doll.
Anyway, I just don't think that Barbie is the right kind of friend for my girls. For years we fought to keep Barbie out of our house, but one day one of our older neighbors stopped by with a shoebox full of them. I was so happy when the girls looked at them and then walked away without picking up a single one. It was great and I thought that we were out of the woods.
But, two years ago at my older daughters birthday she got a Barbie, she seemed interested, and then last year at Christmas Santa showed up with two more. Actually they came from the girl's great aunt, and even though I like her I could have killed her.
Its not as if Barbie has taken over our lives, but now we watch Barbie videos, and we buy the occasional Barbie coloring book.
So what is my problem you ask?
1. There are so many Barbies to choose from, but they all boil down to this, just add hooker as the second name for every Barbie and it will make sense. For example, my girls own, Christmas Hooker Barbie. Now wasn't that easy. Lets try with some others. Astronaut Hooker Barbie, Doctor Hooker Barbie, Teacher Hooker Barbie, Veterinarian Hooker Barbie, Horse Riding Hooker Barbie, Cheerleader Hooker Barbie (oxymoron) and last but not least Malibu Hooker Barbie (Now this one is interesting, because she comes with her own beachfront bordello.)
2. All of the girls end up saying inappropriate things when they play with Barbie.
"Daddy why doesn't Barbie's dress cover her butt?"
"Daddy why doesn't Barbie wear a bra?"
"Daddy why does Barbie have a baby but no husband?"
"Daddy...Daddy...Daddy..."
3. Barbie has just become a little to P.C. for me. If you want Barbie to be this ideal woman, an imaginative toy for girls, then that is what she should be, but these other incarnations of Barbie to make others less repulsed by her drive me crazy. Why do you need Barbie of every ethnicity. It is pretend. If you are Indian or Cuban, is it easier to play pretend if Barbie looks more like you. When I was a kid, I played the hell out of my Star Wars characters, and I did not look a thing like any of them. O.k. maybe I look a little like Chewbacka.
Who's feelings are we trying to protect? Its a F'ing doll.
If you want to be offended by something take a look at the price of Barbie's clothes and accessories. The toy people don't care about your feelings, they just want you to buy a doll, and if you will only buy the doll if it is Black, Russian, Polish, or Mexican, then by god they are going to make one.
No matter what you think about Barbie, she has been around a lot longer then most of us, so here's to you Barbie.
May my children out grow you before they learn that you have a Malibu Beach house and make me buy it for them.
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