My girls are on spring break, and for those of you who do not know what elementary school spring break is, it is what they used call easter break. My wife never wanting our girls to miss out on anything, used the opportunity to invite over some of the girls friends to play. In all we had 5 girls at the house. My little one was playing with the twins and my older daughter was playing with one of her friends. Inevitably they all ended up playing with, and it pains me to say it, Barbie.
I know that I should not care, but I hate Barbie. When my wife found out she was pregnant (both times) I was sure she was going to have a girl. I did not care that we were going to have girls and not boys, but I loathed the idea that someday they might want to play with Barbie.
Please do not tell me all of the positive or negative things that you think about Barbie, I know them already.
Pro: Barbie creates a positive self-image for women to strive for. Also it lets girls know that no matter how pretty they are they can still be what ever they want.
Con: Barbie creates an unattainable image of women that will leave girls with a poor self-image. Also Barbie is a poor example of family values, blah, blah, blah.
Look I really don't want to get into the 50 year history of Barbie's impact on our society. I know some of you are saying, "Oh he just does't like dolls, and doesn't want his daughters to play with them."
To this I say, "You could be onto something, but between my two girls we have 7 American Girl dolls, and about 20 baby dolls." So I think that theory is shot.
I can also admit here that some of my problems with Barbie stem from the fact that I was forced play with Barbie's when I was a kid. My godparents had a daughter who was the same age as me, and she was also a little intimidating, and when we played which was quite often, we played Barbie. Of course I was Ken. I can say with some certainty, that there is nothing that helps build a short, dark, fat, Jewish kids self esteem like playing with a tall, thin, blond, Arian doll.
Anyway, I just don't think that Barbie is the right kind of friend for my girls. For years we fought to keep Barbie out of our house, but one day one of our older neighbors stopped by with a shoebox full of them. I was so happy when the girls looked at them and then walked away without picking up a single one. It was great and I thought that we were out of the woods.
But, two years ago at my older daughters birthday she got a Barbie, she seemed interested, and then last year at Christmas Santa showed up with two more. Actually they came from the girl's great aunt, and even though I like her I could have killed her.
Its not as if Barbie has taken over our lives, but now we watch Barbie videos, and we buy the occasional Barbie coloring book.
So what is my problem you ask?
1. There are so many Barbies to choose from, but they all boil down to this, just add hooker as the second name for every Barbie and it will make sense. For example, my girls own, Christmas Hooker Barbie. Now wasn't that easy. Lets try with some others. Astronaut Hooker Barbie, Doctor Hooker Barbie, Teacher Hooker Barbie, Veterinarian Hooker Barbie, Horse Riding Hooker Barbie, Cheerleader Hooker Barbie (oxymoron) and last but not least Malibu Hooker Barbie (Now this one is interesting, because she comes with her own beachfront bordello.)
2. All of the girls end up saying inappropriate things when they play with Barbie.
"Daddy why doesn't Barbie's dress cover her butt?"
"Daddy why doesn't Barbie wear a bra?"
"Daddy why does Barbie have a baby but no husband?"
"Daddy...Daddy...Daddy..."
3. Barbie has just become a little to P.C. for me. If you want Barbie to be this ideal woman, an imaginative toy for girls, then that is what she should be, but these other incarnations of Barbie to make others less repulsed by her drive me crazy. Why do you need Barbie of every ethnicity. It is pretend. If you are Indian or Cuban, is it easier to play pretend if Barbie looks more like you. When I was a kid, I played the hell out of my Star Wars characters, and I did not look a thing like any of them. O.k. maybe I look a little like Chewbacka.
Who's feelings are we trying to protect? Its a F'ing doll.
If you want to be offended by something take a look at the price of Barbie's clothes and accessories. The toy people don't care about your feelings, they just want you to buy a doll, and if you will only buy the doll if it is Black, Russian, Polish, or Mexican, then by god they are going to make one.
No matter what you think about Barbie, she has been around a lot longer then most of us, so here's to you Barbie.
May my children out grow you before they learn that you have a Malibu Beach house and make me buy it for them.
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