I do not know why people tell me things. I am not particularly friendly looking. Most people think I am an ass when they first meet me, and if you were trying to find an example of what "stranger danger," looks like to show your children, you would probably choose me.
So why do people just blurt random things out to me.
"So give me an example you say." But of course.
The other day I stopped at a convenience store to get gas. I went in to pay and the the young girl behind the counter looks up at me and said, "You know that thing in your mouth that connects your upper lip to your jaw? Well mine was to long and I had to have it cut."
SERIOUSLY!!! I could not make that up if I wanted to.
Now it would be one thing if the random statements people made to me were in some sort of context, but it is as if they just cannot control themselves and stuff flies out of their mouth when they see me.
Now, I used to keep a list of things I did not need to know, but it got to long to continue keeping track.
Other examples of odd things people have just randomly said to me include:
1. "You know the strangest thing that I have ever seen, was that time I was in Greece, and these two guys
were having sex on the beach in front of me." -Classmate.
2. "You know the bruise on my forehead? I got it having sex with my boyfriend. He was behind me and
pushed so hard I lost my balance and hit the wall." -Co-worker.
3. "You know Fred? Well after he got divorced, his wife told everyone he likes to wear women's
underwear!" Mother-In-Law.
4. "Well I was doing rounds and there was this obese man giving himself a towel bath. He proceeded to
scrub his testicles with the towel and then wipe his face." -Mother-In-Law
5. "And then he told me I was so cute he wanted to do a line of coke off my ass." -Employee
6. "You know she wears bicycle pants under her regular pants so her legs don't rub together." -Employee
7. "I ran into my old girlfriend at our 30th reunion and we have been going at it like a couple of teenagers."
-Older (not attractive by conventional standards) Neighbor
8. "I had the flu so bad I just kept shitting myself." -Boss
9. "Yeah, my ex-husband just kept telling me I needed to lose weight. He just did not understand some
things just don't go back after you have kids." -Co-worker
10. "I need to stop at the pharmacy on the way in because the tampons we have at work just aren't big
enough." -Employee
11. "Well as you can see I am fat now. You know I was anorexic in high school." -Former Classmate
12. "Oh, one time I threw up on my husband. I went down on him and gagged and puked spaghetti and
meatballs right in his lap." -Employee
13. "Sorry I was late I had explosive diarrhea this morning." -Professor 8 A.M. class
14. "Oh yeah, my sister-in-law had the inside of her vagina cauterized this weekend she was up and around
the next day." -Co-worker
If you are one of those people, who others just randomly blurt out information to, remember these simple rules.
1. Do not get startled. If you do, you will make the person feel bad, and you are likely to say something that points out to the other person how odd they just sounded. It will make a rather uncomfortable situation even more uncomfortable.
2. Keep going with your original conversation like what they just said was an extension of the original conversation. Also if you acknowledge what the person said, it may make them want to share other tidbits that you do not want to know.
3. Do not point out your own relate-able type of tidbit or fact. If you are talking to someone who can so easily offer up such an odd fact into a conversation without even thinking about it, then god knows what will come up next if they think that what they said was ok.
4. Do not under any circumstances ask the person to repeat themselves. This will not only lead to them repeating what they just said, but they will also give you an explanation of what they said, and why they said it.
So the next time someone says something random just remember these simple rules, and if no one has ever said something like this to you, chances are you are the one saying them.
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