10/25 Give A Little Bit

Tonight I would like to take the opportunity to address a rather serious topic.  It has come to my attention that there is a condition that exists that affects almost all of you, and yet this condition has been virtually ignored.
This condition affects millions of women and girls nationwide, and yet it remains undetected and undiagnosed.  Many of your loved ones could be suffering as we speak.  This affliction affects mothers, grandmothers, daughters, aunts, and sisters without prejudice.  
The condition that I want to share with you is First Born Daughter Syndrome or FBDS.

I was first introduced to this condition by a co-worker who shared with me the devastating effect that FBDS was having on her family.  You see her own daughter was a first born daughter and her whole family was working diligently to deal with the daily affects her condition.
You see the tragedy of this condition, is that not only does it affect the person, but it affects everyone around them.  FBDS affects the sufferers friends, family, co-workers, and sometimes even perfect strangers.

I know many of you are asking why now?  What made you choose to shed light on this widely ignored and misunderstood problem?  Well I will tell you.  I come to you now because my wife and I are dealing with FBDS firsthand.  You see our....our.... our daughter has what seems like an almost incurable case of First Born Daughter Syndrome.

“How do you know?”
“What are they symptoms?”
“What can I do about it?”
Well all of these are great questions and I will try to answer them to the best of my ability.
 FBDS affects 4 out of every 5 first born daughters.
 Symptoms can vary greatly with age, but some common side-effects include:
Unexplained Irritability, Pouting, Mood Swings, Outbursts, Crying, An Unexplainable Sense of Entitlement, Yelling, Door Slamming, Eye Rolling, Hair Flicking, Loud Sighing, Incessant Back-talking, Unsolicited Opinion Making, Snotty Remarks, Stomping, Interrupting, Unprovoked Hitting of a Little Sister, Screaming “That’s Unfair!!!!!”, Making Irrational Assumptions.
 While traditional treatments are not known, there are many trials and studies being conducted as we speak throughout the country.  Some common treatments are:
Groundings, Taking Away Phone/ Computer/ T.V. Privileges, Early Bedtimes, Off to Bed With No Dinners, Shouting Matches, Spankings, Canceling Play Dates, Name Calling, Long Talks About Appropriate Behavior, Sending The Afflicted to the Neighbors to Play, Making the The Sufferer Say They Are Sorry.

So how can you help?  Well we are currently raising funds to help the Families of First Born Daughters or FFBS’s.  These monies will be used to provide support for the families by paying for such necessities as, babysitters, date nights, movie rentals, hotel rooms, and if necessary, as in the case of a severe FBDS family, trips without the children.
For example my wife and I are trying to raise money for a trip to Hawaii or even Australia.  Your donations will pay for such necessities as first-class airfare, rental cars, four star accommodations, food, and even childcare for our daughter back in the states.  So please give generously today.  We would prefer the kind of money that folds but we will take the kind that jingles.  Remember you can help.  Please make a donation today to help us meet our goal of a two week child free vacation by this spring.

Thank you.